Why I Self Termed from the DCP & How to Do It

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Hi guys! Today I'm going to be detailing with you all why I ended up leaving the Disney College Program. I'm going to start from the very beginning, back in February, and detail why I applied, what happened since I was accepted, and what went on during my short time at the program. To begin with, I was diagnosed with pretty severe anxiety back in October of 2015. It's been a long battle, but I feel like I finally had it under control during the spring of this year. I was given a prescription of Zoloft, which is a basic anti anxiety med, but I stopped taking it during the spring because I was feeling so much better.

I applied for the Disney College Program mid-January because one, I love Disney, and two I knew I was about to break up with my long time boyfriend & was terrified about what I was going to do after graduation. The idea of staying in Boise with no boyfriend, no college and friends that were still in college pained me. So, I applied, and a week later I met a guy named Nate.

My interview came and went, and my acceptance came and went. The excitement from the acceptance started to lessen the farther in love I fell with Nate. We started dating in March, and became inseparable this summer. As summer began, I realized just how bad my anxiety had gotten. I restarted the meds, which seemed to help but as summer drew to a close, we spent almost every evening with me in tears freaking out about the upcoming move.

On August 20th, I boarded a plane at 7 in the morning bound for Denver. I had one stop and then I would be in Orlando. I knew I would be upset leaving Boise, and I was. I cried the entire time from the moment we left our house until I landed in Orlando. I struggled the entire flight to do something other than freak out about this upcoming adventure, but with nothing better to do, it was hard. When I finally got to Orlando, I learned my work location early from a friend, so there sparked my excitement. I knew I could do this and was ready to conquer my fears. When we arrived at my grandparents house is when trouble began. I had slept only a few hours the night before, so I was exhausted. I had done this on purpose so that I'd be able to sleep that night, knowing I'd be upset. My body had other plans. What began was the first of several panic attacks I'd have over the next week. I was sobbing, dry heaving and could not get myself together, all while my mom laid next to me, trying to sleep. She woke up, consoled me and I was finally able to sleep hours later.

We spent the next day working on getting all my stuff together to move in the following day. We went to the grocery store and clothes shopping, where every little thing that reminded me of home caused me to burst into tears. Finally, Monday morning rolled around, and as we headed to Orlando, I felt my excitement peak again. I lasted on an excited high all through that morning, meeting my roommates and moving my stuff into my room.

I will say, the one thing I did get really lucky with was my roommates. In my room was a super sweet girl, and the four girls we shared the apartment with were all blue eyed blonde haired girls that were so much fun and adorable. Everyone was so sweet and for that I'll always be grateful. That being said, I have never lived away from Boise, I've never shared a room and I've never shared a bathroom, so those three things being thrown in my face was a ginormous adjustment.

Monday night, things changed. A couple of my roommates and I ventured to Disney Springs to get dinner, and all of a sudden, mid-bite of pizza, I burst into tears. I excused myself to the bathroom, got myself together and continued with my night, crying every few minutes but sucking it up as best I could. When we got home Monday, I spent the next three hours outside on the curb talking to my mom, dad, step-dad and boyfriend. I facetimed and called all four, and proceeded to have multiple panic attacks, and not stop crying the entire night. My mom suggested I take some zzquill and try to go to sleep, so that's what I did, thinking I'd feel better in the morning.

I woke up and attempted to do my makeup in the morning but couldn't because tears kept flowing from my eyes. I had casting that morning, meaning I'd figure out where I'd be working, even though I already knew. I was happy on the bus ride over, and during casting but as soon as I was back on that bus, I was sobbing. I cried the whole way back to our apartments, and took a nap to pass the time. I repeated Monday's crying on the curb that night, and finally passed out of exhaustion around one.

Wednesday morning I woke up and had my roommate take me to the doctor. The doctor upped my anxiety medication to 75mg and put me on xanex. The xanex and zoloft helped me get through Wednesday during the day, but still Wednesday night I had the worst panic attack I'd had since I'd been in Florida. I spent literally six hours outside on the curb, sweating my ass off in the Florida heat, trying to convince my family that coming home was the right choice for me. All of them finally broke down and told me while they'd be disappointed to have me come home, I was an adult and as long as I did it myself, I could come home. I went inside and booked a one way flight back to Boise for Saturday morning. Since it was a last minute flight, I tried to find the best deal. I ended up flying from Orlando to Houston, Houston to Orange County, CA, Orange County to Reno and finally Reno to Boise.

I woke up Thursday and began packing my things. I had everything packed including two suitcases and three boxes by the end of Thursday, and raped my bank account by spending $200 to send everything back. The thing is, though, I only really spent more money on my plane ticket, because I was going to have to pay to ship everything back anyways. My roommates all had traditions Friday, which meant they were all gone the whole day, so I got to spend the day working on homework and blog work until my cousin came to visit me from Tampa, Florida. Since I was supposed to have had traditions on Friday, I got a call from the casting people shortly after I was supposed to have been there. I let her know that I was leaving, and since I hadn't gone through traditions, it doesn't count against my record with Disney world and I will have the opportunity to go back if I choose to in the future. I also let the front desk of my apartment know that I was leaving, as well. My cousin and I spent the evening getting dinner and shopping around Disney Springs for souveniers for my friends and family.

All I had to do the morning of Saturday was give security my ID and key. It was as simple as that. I woke up at 4am on Saturday, took an Uber to the airport, and proceeded to spend 12 hours on planes and in the airport. I can't describe to you the level of relief and excitement I felt as I was leaving Orlando. I knew that both my boyfriend and parents were not going to be happy to see me, but I was just so happy to be going home, I didn't even care. I landed in Boise at 7pm, and jumped straight off the plane into my usual Saturday night, partying. I spent the entire night smiling my head off because I was so happy to be back with Nate and back home.

I'm now working as a receptionist for a gymnastics place, and I'm living with Nate. I've never been happier. This is where I'm supposed to be in my life, and I know that now. It's hard for me to have let so many people down, but it is what it is.

Thanks for reading!

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